Some time ago, a pair of women walked up our driveway and knocked on our door. They probably thought this was a “targetable” house, given that my Christmas lights were still up. It was March. Yeah, I’m the guy who leaves his Christmas lights up all year long. At least this year I am. Anywhoo, they wanted to talk about Jesus and if I had found Jesus and all that. Really, I thought. Would you like to discuss my perspective on that now? It’s like 10am on a Saturday. I do NOT want to talk about this with you.

The fact that I didn’t open the screen door should have been a good sign. But, of course, they persisted. I mean, their mission is to save my soul! Anyway, we had a brief, not altogether unpleasant conversation about life, the universe, and everything. We agreed to disagree. My wife gave them some chocolates. I won’t be reading their book anytime soon, and they won’t be reading my recommendation: A Book Forged In Hell, c’est la vie.

The encounter, however, did get me thinking. What sorts of questions might I want to have at hand for the next time someone believes (heaven forbid) I need to be saved? (see what I did there?)

First of all, let me be clear: I am not an atheist. I believe in God. But I in no way as a rational human being need to be chained to a doctrine of “love and charity” that is inherently prejudiced. Do I believe in the divinity of Christ? No. He was a good person. He wasn’t Dumbledore. There I said it. Yes. I like Christmas. I admit. Does that make me a heathen, lost soul, condemned to Dante’s fires? To some, sure.

I think Melville in Moby-Dick put a nice spin on it. “I’d rather sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.” (slightly paraphrased) I like that line. I like that line a lot. You want to see a fine demonstration of how the “other” is heathen and ignorant, in need of conversion or destruction, read Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe.

Early one morning, before I had broken my fast, I was granted these questions of belief. (See I too can be endowed with divine powers). I jotted down these questions and have provided them below. I admit, I don’t really think anything short of self-immolation will derail a bible-thumper’s pitch. At least I can find my tongue before they cut it out. 

Let’s agree to disagree… Not in any particular order…

• If JC himself were to come back today, would he or would he not be persecuted and, once again, be put to death? How do you explain that? 
• How do you justify rejecting established scientific facts in favor of beliefs unsupported by evidence? (Evolution v. Creationism). If your book told you the moon was made out of cheese, would you have to believe that? 
• On what grounds could you become a believer in something other than your doctrine? (See question 1) 
• What of your principles allows men to lead, but women cannot? Don’t you recognize how that’s a control measure serving men?
• Book banning yes or no? On whose authority? 
• LGBTQ yes or no? On whose authority?
• Abortion yes or no? On whose authority?
• The death penalty yes or no? On whose authority?
• How many versions of the bible are there? Why are there differences? How can one claim authority over another?
• Fallible as we are, how can one ‘Christian’ group be absolutely more right than another? In a sense, isn’t religion the codification of prejudice? 
• Do non-believers go to hell? Who says so? I mean, if men wrote the bible, and men are fallible, isn’t the bible fallible? 
• If God is infinite, perfect, and present in all things, what gives you the right to claim exclusive knowledge of His will through the narrow lens of your doctrine?
• If God is love, how can a truly loving, charitable person believe that all who worship differently are wrong or should be condemned?